By Jasmine LeTisser
Humans are driven by comparison, with lots of us believing that age correlates with when ‘milestones’ should be reached. This is not a particularly helpful for any of us and can be especially hard on those living with a complex health condition.
Time shouldn’t dictate your ability to achieve. Comparing yourself against people in your life with ‘better health’, is a common unintentional behaviour.
What is the aim of comparing the milestones people around you have achieved to your inability to have reached them yet?
What kind of purpose does this serve? I don’t believe it’s a particularly helpful way of thinking at all.
You can’t help what you have been through and you can’t change the cards you have been dealt. However, the cards you do have in front of you lie in your own hands, so what you can do is you can choose how you will play them.
It’s worth asking yourself is it worth serving yourself up a dull dish of mental anguish when you could be serving yourself up a full plate of delicious colour.
Every one of us is beautiful, unique and has a resilience and power that we have probably never even though about. But I believe that you, even when you can’t see it for yourself, are phenomenal.
Research on our needs to compare has revealed 10 per cent of a human’s thought process involves comparison. Whether it be intentional or unintentional, we are all naturally inclined to compare ourselves to one another, but this seems like a whole lot of brain power being used on something that is not actually helping you to achieve anything.
Comparing your own health to that of your ‘healthier’ friends and family seems like self-sabotage, but it is a common mental battle for those of us living with health conditions.
People with a health condition often look at what their friends and family have done and compare it to their own achievements. But if you reframe things a little and think about the difficult times you have experienced and all the complicated feelings that come along with it, they are things that other people have probably never been through and have never had the chance to grow from, so no matter where you are at and what you’re doing, you’re probably achieving a whole lot more than you imagine.
Those people you compare your milestones with, haven’t had the health hurdles you have had to jump over. So, it’s never really worth comparing your life experiences to those of your peers. It’s never going to make you feel good. A better plan might be just planning on being in charge of your own story and taking stock of all the things you have actually achieved despite the hurdles put in front of you.
Your own health issues might have impacted on your ability to reach some milestones, but that doesn’t mean that you won’t get there in your own time.
I think it’s good to try and remember that time is only a concept, it doesn’t dictate whether you will or won’t achieve your goals.
Time is, as defined by the Cambridge Dictionary, “The part of existence that is measured in minutes, days, years etc.” If you stop using up your brain space on comparing yourself to others, you can use your own time and energy charting your own path and enjoying your own goals and wins, whatever they may be.
If you are struggling with comparing yourself to others, as a person with underlying health conditions or are living with Neurofibromatosis, please know that you are not alone. Some things I try and remember, include:
- Comparing myself to people in my life with health that is different to mine takes away from my own time and energy.
- I like to think about the things that I can put my time and positive energy into rather than concentrating on what I can’t do.
- Brainstorming my achievements, even if I think they are only small, eg. I woke up today and read a book. I had a shower and washed my hair. These tasks might seem small, but can actually be huge achievements on some days.
- Comparing myself only to myself and checking on where my unhelpful thoughts have stemmed from. I like to challenge my unhelpful thoughts and allow myself to grow.
- Learning from my own experience has been a major aspect of living with a health condition or illnesses. It can sometimes be a positive tucked in behind a negative.
- Giving myself permission to see the power and strength it has taken to tackle the hurdles ’ve already jumped. Then getting prepared for the next one. It takes strength to acknowledge accomplishments.
- Practicing gratitude. Rays of gratitude can still shine through even on days when I feel clouded with a sense of grey.
By comparing yourself to others you are draining your own battery and taking away your own energy.
“The self comparison of limiting beliefs, holds back the agility needed to tackle life’s hurdles” – Jasmine Le Tisser
Never forget the qualities you already hold, the knowledge you have and the things you have already achieved.
If you feel inclined to compare your timeline to others, try repeating these affirmations to yourself. It may or may not work, but it’s definitely worth a try:
“Comparison is the thief of happiness.”
“I am proud of how far I have grown as a person.”
Remember, the moment you begin to compare yourself, that’s the moment you minimise your chances of believing you will succeed.
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By Children’s Tumour Foundation Intern, third year Bachelor of Media and Communications
student, Jasmine Le Tisser.
*Disclaimer: These are my own feelings, but I wanted to share in the hope that it helps you feel empowered and a bit more connected.